It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.

this uphill battle, i'm not prepare to lose.

but maybe i already had.

my defense is only paper thin.

tired of playing games.

and tired of hiding from you.

quoted from Josiah's blog.

"After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes wide open.
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in mid flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn... and you learn
With every goodbye you learn."

so what if it hurts me,
so what if i break down,
so what if this world just throws me off the edge,
my feet run out of ground.
i gotta find my place,
i wanna hear my sound,
dont care about other pain in front of me;
cause i'm just trying be happy,
just wanna be happy.

越挣扎却摔得更重.

a church service is basically aerobics in slow motion. u have to get up, get down, come forward, and turn around, all to background music, with a kind of mr motivator figure infront.

isn't that cool? now people can get free aerobics work-out simply by attending church.

awesome.

some people are born distanced.

and this gets other people hooked.

a burning match stick.

like love.

started off passionately, burning intensively. sparks flew.

but before u know it,

ur fingers' are burnt.

its hard to walk away with your pride thrashed and swallowed.

but at least i walked away free.

insomnia isn't all bad when it gives you the reason to take off those dancing shoes and replaced it with my worn out track shoes at 4 in the morning.

it was cold, and noisy. but it amazingly easy to just throw yourself away and escape. takes your mind off everything and anything, and just keep running.

running and being drunk at the same time is wrong; but its like having sex and eating Carl's chili beef fries at the same time. it felt good.

running alone lets you reason with yourself. it allows you to come up with 1001 reasons to tell yourself that the mistake you made a year ago its alright.

running alone too, makes you sober spiritually. it makes you look at that mistake you've made and come out with 1002 reasons why you shouldn't have done that.

well, no point in regretting what's done. people can only run forward.

5 random facts.

#1 : i get rashes from eating mango (@ my left arm) and from eating mangosteen (@ my lower jaw) if i had it in huge quantities.

#2 : i used to hate being so tall cause all my friends were short.

#3 : i wanted to be an astronaut when i was younger but the dream was shot down by my tuition teacher when she laughed at it after i told her. bitch.

#4 : i like captain america more then superman.

#5 : i secretly wanna learn hip hop dancing.

#6 : i am a rebellious boy. i break every single rules in secondary, jc, and university.

worst day.

worst start of the month.

and i dream of my dad dying abruptly.

i hate june.

hello sunny sunday.

i woke up having the feeling that i was being washed up ashore after surviving a shipwreck. tired and definitely lost. and a split headache to make thing worse.

i had this surprising long talk with J. over the phone last night, and i realized knowing J. for so long, its the first time i called him up. and of course what would we do if life's without some dramatic episodes.

fights. tears. and broken hearts.

and of cause its not me who starred in this episode. the story revolves around 2 best friends.

J couldn't help either, he said its like history repeating itself. putting 2 south pole together for long only result in greater repulsion. and we could only sit and watch, hoping one will forgive the other.

the problem here, they see other too much, they're too close, their lives are basically in unison. and rest of the story is basically one is too emotional and the other, too physical.

if one will leave, one will perish. if one will stay, one will never change.

its like going back to primary school and asking yourself if 2 of your brothers are struggling in the middle of the sea and you can only save one, who will you save?

maybe after the shipwreck i would find a new life on this island.