and so finally our last training came to an end.

i know i can do better, but i just can't cross the threshold. i'm not sure what is holding me back, and i'm on the verge of throwing my paddle into the sea whenever we lose.

it sucks to know that u ain't good as the rest. well under normal circumstances, with a coach aiding the team, everyone should at least improve over the so many weeks of training.

but i don't.

i don't feel myself improving. and every week that went by, coach seems to notice more and more of my problems. i feel like a noob now.

argh.

but i know i wanna win, at least to do my best with my fellow rowers. and i'm happy i'm pacing with zhengxiang. and not someone who barely can row half as good as he like to think he could.

i know even i can't totally believe in myself,

i can totally believe in my maties.

let's just row like we never row before and prove adrian wrong.

I WANT TO WIN!

we all lie about somethings, don't we?

random stuff.

i've been eating hell lots of junk food and munching on chips late at night while watching television. and the thing is i did not even put on any weight, yet i lost a whole 2 kg from god-knows-where.

so now i'm offically underweight again. ARGH.

so now i'm suspecting must be due to the excessive dancing.

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IT WAS ONE HELL FUN BEANNY NIGHT!

everyone was crazy. and we went insane when the DJ was spinning " because of you ". i couldn't stop laughing at how jeremy was moving. so now everyone had see his TRUE COLOR.

and someone was VERY naughty that night.

actually its a few people.

the night ended with some buddy talk with sean sng and miss pan. some very disturbing things that i ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO KNOW. and i did stupid things like saying hi to cars that drove past us.

well its a NICE CAR what. and i didn't expect the car to stop and reverse! and so me and alaric ran off as fast as possible, leaving daryl behind.

DOUBTLESSLY, we NEED to do it again! haha.

i heart every single one of you. MISS PAN, SEAN SNG, UNCLE WEE, ISABELLA IVY CHAN, LILY WONG and OCEAN DEEP HIBISCUS.

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so much for the fun last night, i had an irritating ride back home this afternoon. i really don't understand why people like to choose sit when on board the bus. JUST SIT LA. GOT BOMB MEH? super annoying.

and i happened to sit infront of these 2 primary school kids who are cursing each other.

student 1: "you're fucking stupid can? S U P T I D. STUPID!"

i don't understand why he gotta spell it. but now i wonder who's really the stoopid one.

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so many movie to watch this few weeks! someone please ask me out on date! haha.

so much for the rubbish now.

its hard to lead. but its harder to follow.

after the much disappointed training. i really hope a prayer would work and keep the team going.

but who am i kidding?

its hard not to lose the faith i held on for such a long time.

and the flame on the candle flickered hard.