who doesn't enjoy eva Longoria sashaying down the Wisteria Lane. or to watch felicity huffman and teri hatcher gossip about the newly moved in neighbours. who doesn't like to know, or can resist to know about someone else's darkest secrets.

its all this anticipation that keeps the viewers glued to the television.thou they could be better off studying for orangic chemistry and doing tutorials...blah.

but its only till recently, that i realised not everything happened on television is being fabricated. surprisingly, i guess every family has their own secrets.

and i just happened to find out about my very own family's secret.

i was fuming when i realised what my mum told me 3 years back was a lie. a total phony explanation that i took it seriously. it was only over a casual dinner with my aunt that i realised that little history of my family. something that i tot its important for all of us to know. and if my mum ever respected him, she shouldn't had lied in the first place.never.

but the picture is full of missing pieces.even my cousin who was already a toddler then couldn't remember everything.i'm just intrigued to find out more.

but they said before, ignorance is bliss.

i want tonight to stay.

with my coke float, cigarettes cookies, big sofa chair and my lappie.

if only life is always this good.

i suddenly remember the first day i joined dragonboating. one of the sunday, where i met tim and moumou at the kallang train station. i feel so small walking along with these two giants. and once i got on to the boat, everything happened so fast that it was impossible for me to pay attention to any details.

i also forgot the reasons why i stay in the team.

my memories brought me further back to when i was only 11. primary 5. where i run around in my white school uniform and blue shorts. i remember i had a best friend, his name was chang jian? and both of us were part of this 10 men brotherhood. haa. silly us. we were assigned numbers according to birthdays, and thus i was the "8th".

once when we were playing at this playground, playing tag, i accidentally ran into the see-saw and banged hard against my chest.

i was momentarily unable to breathe. i was so scared i cried out loud, for my friends to call ambulance. and i really thot i was going to die. but soon after, i was breathing hard again. and all my friends laughed at me. i was so embarrassed.

its such a pity i can't run around the playground anymore. i remembered clearly once when my friends and i walked passed this playground and i happily walked towards the swing and sat on it. but my friends laughed at me.

i should be laughing at them, for that they've lost their childhood. and the child that reside in their memories.

i really wanna sit on see-saw again.

"who do u plan to live for?"

someone asked me that this afternoon. was a joke, but i took it seriously. he did caught me off guard, on the spot, i've absolutely no idea what to answer him.

i don't think i ever planned for my future, till now i've still no idea what am i gonna work as, or what's my plan after i graduate. i go with the flow most of the time, simply following what i think was right, which often points the other direction.

i never had a say, cause no one ever listen, i never trusted myself, cause even my mum doesn't trust me.

but i guess life's still gotta move on.

oh shucks. i don't think i've much choice thou. i hearts phone conference at night. =)